We — as in, the first page of Google results — don’t know if H.L. Mencken overly unquestionably said “No one overly went tapped underestimating the intelligence of the American public” verbatim. But we — as in, me and you, dear Hop Take reader — do know that the red-hot malt-/sugar-based nonflexible seltzer tattoo of the past few years is currently giving way to the rise of spirits-based canned cocktails. The age of White Claw is in its twilight, and soon the High Noon epoch begins in earnest. So we find ourselves with a contradiction in terms and SKUs as major firms roll out ready-to-drink distilled versions of brands they’re currently selling in fermented form and hope the American drinking public doesn’t notice.

Does a tequila-based cocktail invalidate a sugar-based iteration of similar drinks that withstand the same label? Only if the consumer grasps the difference, and Menckian logic tells us pretty emphatically that they won’t. Luckily, we don’t have to wonder, though, considering Molson Coors and Coca-Cola are going to run the simulation for us in real time, with Topo Chico’s beverage-alcohol aspirations and the alcohol-intelligence quotient of the United States consumer hanging in the balance.

What is the point of selling two styles of wassail under the same banner, besides the unquenchable shareholder thirst for increasingly money and a conviction most customers won’t know the difference? Alas, the Big Instillation tandem overdue Topo Chico nonflexible seltzer and its soon-to-come spirits-based brethren had no answer, not for Hop Take at least. Coke didn’t respond to my request for an interview, and no one was misogynist from Molson Coors surpassing deadline to talk Topo. (Or yack Chico? Either way, it didn’t happen.) But in the sparsity of corporate wisdom, we printing on. Let’s consider the facts at hand.

First: Topo Chico didn’t start as a beverage-alcohol brand. The bubbly drink hails from a volcanic spring in Mexico that gained popularity as a #wellness spa for fin de siècle American medical tourists. But a century later, Topo Chico’s reputation stateside had pivoted from restorative to refreshment, its iconic glass bottles a slogan for desert authenticity (and hipster approximations of it, too). The niche brand’s controversial 2017 sale of U.S. rights to Coca-Cola Company didn’t upset me any increasingly than the summative tendencies of global wanted do generally, but I understand why people were mad. Nothing gold can stay, including lucrative beverages in an increasingly globalized consumer packaged goods landscape. Soon, plastic-bottled Topo Chicos started showing up on supermarket shelves and Amazon wish lists, thrilling far-flung fans and horrifying people who understand the carbonation-retention differentials of PET versus glass. Coke’s 2020 “brand passport partnership” with Molson Coors to introduce Topo Chico nonflexible seltzer followed apace.

It was the obvious move. Acquisition aside, the mineral water still maintains a cult-like request with American drinkers, and the traditional firewall between drunkard and non-alcoholic instillation brands had by then eroded to the point that Topo Chico’s Big Red handlers could see the dollar signs on the other side. The 2020 tie-up has paid off: Since hitting the American market in 2021, Topo Chico nonflexible seltzer has been on a no-bullshit heater as one of the fastest-growing nonflexible seltzers in the segment. Its success has paved the way for the alcoholization of other popular soft drinks in Coke’s portfolio, like Simply Lemonade and Fresca. (Those boozed-up versions are produced in partnership with Molson Coors and Constellation Brands, respectively.)

That Topo Chico’s nonflexible seltzers are reportedly made with regular ol’ filtered fizz, rather than the titular mineral water from Monterrey, hasn’t held it when from its race to the near-top of the segment, either. “I was expecting the giant frothing that make it nearly untellable to chug an ice-cold Topo and was sorely disappointed,” wrote the Houston Chronicle’s Abigail Rosenthal in her March 2021 review of the then-new nonflexible seltzer. “Topo Chico is well known for its warlike bubbles, and the usual Topo crispness was missing from the cans of seltzer.” Nevertheless, the nonflexible seltzers have charged hard in Texas and the Southwest from the very beginning. Mencken would be impressed.

Beyond the cadre pack, Topo Chico’s Ranch Water and Margarita nonflexible seltzer varietals are moreover selling like gangbusters, which is no surprise given the underlying brand’s tropical troupe with Mexico and the American Southwest. Of course, Margaritas and Ranch Waters are traditionally made with full-proof tequila, not the fermented sugar that makes Topo Chico’s nonflexible seltzers hard. The agave spirit, as you may have heard, has been on a no-bullshit heater of its own. It’s projected to surpass both vodka and whiskey to wilt the top-selling spirit in the United States as soon as next year, and is tied for first with vodka as the top wiring spirit for ready-to-drink canned cocktails. So in one sense, Molson Coors’ recent announcement that tequila-based Topo Chico canned cocktails are headed our way in 2023 was preordained; as nonflexible seltzer settles into the single-digit year-over-year sales of a maturing segment, the macrobrewer “beverage company” has gotta find growth elsewhere. Spirits-based canned cocktails are sold for increasingly money in different, less-crowded places, and drinkers want ‘em. It’s no surprise that’s where Molson Coors is steering the trademark next.

Of course, Topo Chico isn’t the only nonflexible seltzer heavyweight headed for the higher price points and higher-end ~vibes~ in which High Noon, the vodka-based, Barstool-backed E. & J. Gallo juggernaut, has been basking. Truly, second only to White Claw in the slim-can stampede, rolls out a vodka version next week. [Disclosure: I previously owned some stock in Truly’s corporate parent, Boston Beer Company, from which I divested prior to taking over this post in order to imbricate the firm directly without mismatch of interest. I own no individual stocks related to my coverage.] But as a natural mixer for well-spoken liquors of all kinds, Topo Chico is poised to go further, and faster, than its FMB rivals. As Molson Coors’ VP of next generation beverages David Coors boasted to distributors last week: “We see a big opportunity in tequila RTDs, and it just so happens we have the powerhouse trademark that’s synonymous with tequila cocktails.”

To which Hop Take says: “yes, and.” While spirits-based RTDs are a logical next step for the brand, fermented Topo Chico nonflexible seltzer is still very much for sale, and will protract to be. What’s the difference? So glad you asked. “These are real cocktails, not nonflexible seltzer,” vice president of innovations Jamie Wideman told the firm’s middle-tier partners, per a Brewbound report. But! But! “Real” cocktails imply the existence of fake ones. An informed consumer might reasonably ask Molson Coors to explain the difference between that product — let’s undeniability it TC(F), for Topo Chico (Fermented) — and the new distilled spirits-based line, which we’ll undeniability TC(D). After all, those TC(F) Margaritas and Ranch Waters they’ve been guzzling lanugo are advertised as “inspired by the archetype Margarita” with “hints of real lime, salt, and tequila.” Upon learning that these are just marketing semantics — “inspired by the truth,” with “hints of reality,” you might say — they might be a bit miffed. And when they see the new TC(D) drinks at the store unquestionably boast an actual tequila wiring and forfeit a few increasingly bucks per variety pack… well, from where your unobtrusive Hop Take wordsmith is sitting, it’d be reasonable for that informed consumer to ask Molson Coors WT(F)?

If the firm is betting that most rank-and-file drinkers won’t think this nonflexible well-nigh it, I wouldn’t take the other side of the wager. But the courts are a variegated bag of chips, and plane surpassing the outstart of tequila- and vodka-based Topo Chicos, Coke found itself posed with a legalese version of this question in the form of a class-action lawsuit. Filed in August, Warren vs. The Coca-Cola Company alleges that Topo Chico nonflexible seltzer’s margarita pack makes “false and misleading representations” well-nigh its wassail type in order to writ higher prices from unsuspecting drinkers who think they’re ownership proper, tequila-based margs.

“There’s just such a blending of these categories,” Spencer Sheehan, the shyster representing the plaintiff in the case, tells Hop Take. Topo Chico’s various non-alcoholic and drunkard offerings “make it very troublemaking well-nigh what it is you’re getting. So, they need to do a much largest job at stuff truthful.” The lawyer, known to industry critics as the “vanilla vigilante” for the “tsunami of lawsuits” he’s filed over supplies label listings of the stone in question, contends that the fuzzy legal definition of “hard seltzer” has created a gray zone ripe for misleading tumbled customers over the wassail they’re buying. In the suit — which is just getting underway in federal magistrate magistrate — Sheehan moreover echoes the Chronicle’s complaint, arguing the fermented marg is fugazi considering it “does not contain the sparkling mineral water sourced in Monterrey, Mexico, which is an essential part of Topo Chico beverages.” As you might guess, he views the recent TC(D) utterance as just increasingly vestige that Molson Coors intentionally mislabeled TC(F) to victimize consumers into paying increasingly for less. After all, real cocktails imply the existence of fake ones.

???? Hop-ocalypse Now

Remember when craft breweries used to eschew high-ABV, adjunct-heavy, bang-for-buck beers as juvenile perversions of the unusually artisanal form? Hop Take can’t either. Anyway, Brewbound reports that in 2023, ,Kirin Holdings Lion Little World Beverages New Belgium Brewing will roll out a “sequel” to its wildly popular 9.5 percent ABV Voodoo Ranger Juice Force IPA tabbed — wait for it — Fruit Force. The new “fruit dial IPA” label bears the brand’s familiar skeletal fighter pilot dressed up in a sharp new uniform. Pretty sure there’s a “Top Gun” / “Top Gun 2” joke in here somewhere: Tom Booze? Highway to the Ranger Zone? Talk to Me, Juice? Hmm… can’t quite land it.

???? Ups…

To protract mixing Hollywood and fighter-pilot metaphors, bombers remain very dead, but craft breweries are rebooting the trafficable 12-oz can… OK, I’ll stop: Big Beer makes nutrition-labeling moves… Distributors have less at-risk beer than recent past, says NBWA… Calif. haircut-in-chief Gavin Newsom signs taproom-expansion bill…

???? …and downs

Monster scores, well, *monster* damages in Bang Energy “super creatine” suit… Embattled BrewDog CEO James Watt announces on LinkedIn he’s got a typesetting coming well-nigh the “criminal plot” to take him down… U.S. beer shipments up in August, still down YTD, per TTB and Beer Institute… Speaking of BrewDog, one of the world’s top McDonald’s franchisees will open 3 Denver taprooms for the firm, which is Punk, Actually… Lipton Nonflexible Tea? Lol sure, whatever man… Waymo, Constellation test out driverless beer trucks, what could possibly go wrong…

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